Being Skillful at Receiving Feedback

Of all the work I do with organizations and individuals, one of the most complex is helping clients improve the quality and effectiveness of their feedback processes.  It is complex because it evokes all sorts of emotional responses from people.  For the purposes of this article, I will focus on the skill of receiving feedback.

If you are a leader, knowing how to receive feedback is particularly important because you serve as a model for others.   Also, if you ask for feedback on a regular basis, you set a standard that feedback is an important part of continuous improvement.   Asking for feedback from your direct reports, peers, boss and others in your influence circle is something you can do once or twice a year, or corresponding with important project cycles.    One caveat; if you ask for feedback, it means that you are willing to take action on items you hear multiple times and make the requisite changes.  If you aren't willing to make any changes, don't ask for feedback. 

 To start the process:

1. Clarify the goal of the feedback meetings. (To improve a process, develop as a leader, etc.)

2. Prepare a short (3-4) list of open-ended questions.   

3. Create a list of people from whom you would like feedback 

3. Send out a simple request with the goal (as outlined in #1) of the meeting and include the questions so they can consider them in advance.

Next you need to prepare for your presence.   Consider your intentions for your body, your tone and your demeanor:

1. What do you intend for your body? (What does calm or interested look like?)

2. What about the tone of your voice? (What does it sound like?)

3.  How will you take care of yourself as you listen to the other person's feedback?

Set aside a few minutes before each meeting to review your goals and your vision for your presence.   

There is only one instruction for the actual meeting: listen with your whole body.   Ask the question and wait to speak until the other person has completely finished.   Take a full breath after they stop talking to ensure they are done.   You may take notes.  If you are genuinely curious or confused about a response, you may ask a follow-up question.  I caution you here because I don't want anything (tone of the question, for instance) to get in the way of the other person feeling completely heard.   So check in with yourself and consider how you are feeling before asking the question.  

Afterward pull out 1-3 things you heard over and over and plan the changes you will make. As follow-up with those who gave you feedback, share your appreciation and your next actions. Feedback from others is essentially an expression of their needs.  How you receive it, is an expression of you.